Been A While

Dad...

This weekend was one of the hardest weekends I have had in a while, I missed you so much. I have been doing pretty well lately and haven't shown my emotions much on the outside. The past two days have been very different though. Mom and I went to the Schramm's last night for dinner because Michelle is in town visiting. Mom had a really rough day and she didn't really know why. The day consisted of talking about you a lot and as I starred at a picture of you that was in the house I had to leave the table. I went downstairs and just lost it. Everything about being there made me think of you. I was immediately filled with so many memories that we had with their family. All of us have been through so many up's and down's together but without you it just doesn't seem right. As I drove home last night I couldn't stop crying. All I wanted was to be with you, to talk to you, and give you a big hug. Life just doesn't feel right without you here. I have been trying so hard to continue to live but it's not easy. You were my strength and I feel lost without you here. I know that so many other people lose family and that I need to get past it but it's just so difficult. I need your support and wish I had just one more day to spend with you.

Today I went to a BBQ at Michelle's grandparents and again the day just didn't feel right. I didn't want to be around people and really didn't want to talk. As I drove home I once again lost it. I haven't cried for almost a month and it seems like all I am doing is crying this weekend. I know that I have made great leaps but it's days like these that make me question how I am coping. This journey sucks dad. I know that you went through the same thing and I know you understand but I just wish you could be here to help me through it. I hope tomorrow is a better day because I don't want to feel like this. I know that I should allow people to be there for me but I can't. I can't seem to get myself to call anyone, yet that's all I want to do. Mom is out tonight and I am so glad that she decided to go hang out with her friend. I want her to do that more often. I am trying dad, I really am. I wish I could help her. I wish I could make things better for her but nothing seems good in her life. I am trying to be support for her but I don't think I am helping much.

God has interesting plans and if anyone knows that, it's you. I still don't know why you were taken from us so soon but I am so thankful for the time I had with you. You truly are amazing. Thank you for loving me even when you were so disappointed with things I did. You never once left my side. Thank you for being the best father a girl could ask for. Please be with me dad. I really need you. I love you so much and that will never change.

With Love,
Tay