A New Beginning

Dear Dad,

Well this is my first post to you. Sometimes I wonder if you can actually hear me when I speak to you or can read what I write. I know that I write to you every night in my journal but I felt like this would be a good place for me to share in a place that I know I can never lose. You loved art, and you loved to express yourself through art, so this is my way of expressing myself to you. You probably wouldn't be too surprised at the fact that I have really enjoyed writing. It's amazing how therapeutic it is to just say what's on my mind and not have to keep so much inside. Now that you are gone I don't have that one person that will listen to anything and everything. People have their own lives and it's not fair to always expect them to be there. You had a way of forgetting everything in your own life and just being there for people. It could be the reason that I would rather be there for everyone else then to have people be there for me. I hope you know that the love you showed to the world was amazing.

This weekend has been a hard one and I don't even know why. I started to really struggle on Friday and it got worse throughout the weekend. I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss you and how often I think about you. So many things that surround me are constant reminders of the person you were and the things you loved to do. My back has been really bothering me lately, which has made me constantly think about you. It's hard to be in pain let alone be in pain in an area that you were so good at fixing. Every day I wake up hoping that you will heal me and take away this pain. I won't stop hoping for that day because I know at some point you will come through like you always did.

Today, mom and I went to Stone Brewery. I know how much you loved that place and we actually got to sit upstairs. For as many times as we went there it's pretty surprising that we never sat up there. I think you would have liked it, it was very peaceful and pretty cool to overlook the whole place. We talked about how we never had the chance to take the tour, yet we talked about doing it so many times. I was trying to think about what I would do to celebrate your birthday next month so maybe some of my friends would want to do that in your honour. You wouldn't have expected anything else from me, but I got a beer that wasn't stone. I stuck with my light beer that you always made fun of me about. Mom got the smoked porter, which you both loved so much. I am glad that she got a drink today. We also had dessert and you would have absolutely loved the one we chose. It of course had coconut since we all love it so much, but wasn't extremely sweet. We both really needed to get out of the house today and it was her idea to go there. Surprising huh?? :) I am doing my best to get her out of the house as much as I can.

You would also be so impressed at the fact that she finally is getting physical therapy for her back. Her first appointment was this past Friday and she will be coming in every Friday for the next few weeks. I am so proud of her for finally making the effort to get help.

I am hoping that by writing to you every once in a while that this will help me still feel close to you. Some days I don't feel like you are with me but I know you are. You made sure you were always apart of my life in some way or another. I was lucky to have a dad that cared so much. I am sorry for being annoyed with those kind of things at the time, you didn't deserve that. I look back on a lot of things and feel bad for the way I treated you at times. You always were just trying to help and make me laugh. I miss your lame jokes and the talks you had with the cats every morning. I am sorry that I didn't appreciate all those little things that made you so amazing. Thank you for being such an amazing person in my life. I try to keep remembering that I have to be thankful for the time I did have with you rather then being mad.

Keep smiling down on all of us and please don't leave my side!

Love always and forever,
Taylor Marie